Political Ponderings

*As an aside, sorry it has been awhile since my last post. I had been fairly busy and had some internet access issues most of this month. I assure you all I am still alive and still interested in blogging.

Working for the government makes you political. In my case, as friends and family can attest, that probably isn’t necessary. I have had a more than average interest in politics from a young age. Personally I believe it stems from comics- I used to read the comics in the newspaper, but being a voracious reader they were soon done and I would start browsing the rest of the newspaper. I would often end up on the opinion page where I would find the political cartoon. Eventually my appetite for words and curiosity over what the political cartoon was talking about would cause me to read the other articles. Overtime I developed an interest in politics which was fed by my interest in Canadian history and current events. I briefly considered a career in politics, and though I haven't ruled it out entirely, I came to the decision that I don't have the necessary skills. That hasn't however dampened my interest in politics.

I must admit sometimes I find televised elections broadcasts more interesting to watch than sporting events; and have to confess that I have stayed up quietly listening to a radio broadcast on CBC to hear election results into the wee hours of the morning; not wanting to miss the acceptance and concession speeches from the party leaders or any of the commentary. Readers of my blog may remember that early on in this current federal government I closely followed the Canada Post filibustering debate, cheering on the NDP as I watched the live feed from the House of Commons. Many people who know me personally may have been privy to a political rant or discussion of mine. I frequently like to discuss or speculate about issues in politics and have no qualms about sharing my opinions, solicited or not.

My current interest in politics, particularly the provincial and federal budgets, has nothing to do with comics or election fever. It has a whole lot more to do with the fact that I am an occasional provincial government employee, a public servant with a temporary non-recurring contract. A contract which has just come to an end and likely won’t be renewed. Not because my job isn’t important or due to any lack of skill on my part, but simply because there is no money to pay me.

For those who aren’t aware, recently the Ontario provincial government and Canadian federal government revealed their budget plan for the following year. Both budgets seek to address deficits and reign in government spending. The Ontario budget particularly needs to address a large deficit while also fulfilling election promises not to increase taxes or cut spending in education and healthcare.  I am sure that in the coming days, weeks, and months there will be a lot of discussion on what the budget means, and what the implications are. In the case of the provincial budget there is even the worry of whether or not it will pass and if there will be another election. (Something even this political junkie doesn’t want.) There will be lots of opinions on all sides of the issues. I myself have a bunch and if you see me I will probably share them with you. I beg forgiveness from those who have no interest in politics and will have to endure my opinions. I also beg understanding. You may not have any interest in politics and may see the federal and provincial budgets as boring things that don’t relate to you. Please remember that for some people this has a direct impact on their lives and careers, and hopefully you can come to see that as a citizen of this province and country the decisions made by our government affect you too.

Beautiful

I rarely wear makeup. If I do it is for a special occasion and usually only a dab of mascara. Recently a friend challenged me and a group of other females to go make-up free for the month of March. I have it kind of easy since I already don't regularly wear makeup. But the challenge is interesting in another way. It has sparked numerous conversations in person and online about appearance and beauty.

I was surprised when most females adamantly said they would not participate. I mean come on it is only a month how hard can it be... and think of the extra time you will have in the morning which you can use for a much more valuable pastime: sleep. The girls who already wore little or no makeup were on board right away but there were only a few regular make-up wearers willing to take up the challenge. I find this interesting and a bit disappointing. I don't think there is anything wrong with wearing makeup, it is totally fine to play with, or accentuate your best features and it can be fun. But the girls who were refusing the challenge were saying things like:
"I can't live without my makeup"
"I need to look gorgeous for my husband/boyfriend"
"This would be extremely difficult"
"I don't think I could do this"
"Makeup is so necessary for me, if I didn't wear makeup I couldn't go outside."

What's the deal ladies?
Why do we feel so self-conscious about our faces?
Don't you know you are GORGEOUS each and every one of you!

I understand that some people use makeup to accentuate the features of their face they like the most but many women hide behind the makeup. You may say it's easy for me to not wear makeup cause I have great skin. I say you have great skin too you just have to embrace the skin you got and love it. I may not have a ton of acne, but I do get pimples on a regular basis. (Lately they have been turning into small raised moles as well which I find rather disturbing.) I too have large pores, an oily nose and blotchy skin. When I am tired, dehydrated, have exerted myself or been in the sun or just because; my skin goes red- cooked lobster red. I could choose to cover all this up with concealer, foundation, blush etc. but why? For one I value my sleep too much to bother in the morning, for two I don't think it is necessary because I know I am LOVELY!!

I haven't always felt this way. I struggled ALOT! with self-image for many years, and still have days where I feel plain and frumpy. I grew up surrounded by insanely gorgeous girls and always felt like the ugly duckling. I am also a little overweight and was the "fat girl" in my elementary school class. It was around grade 3 that I first started feeling self conscious about my appearance so when in grade 3 a girl told me I looked so fat I must be pregnant- it hurt. I have learned over the years that I can look in the mirror and focus on the things I don't like and wish I could change/ wish they would go away and feel horrible about myself. Or I can look in the mirror and choose to see the things I LIKE about myself FIRST! This takes years of practice (I am still learning.)

For me it started with my hair. I loved my hair, and thought it was gorgeous. I had long waist length hair from around grade 3 till the end of my first year of university. My mother used to have to force me to trim it twice a year  to get rid of the split ends and make it look presentable. I loved my long hair, it made me feel like a princess. People would often comment on the length of my hair or compliment me about it. I loved how my hair would hold the curl from my braids and loved (I still do actually) the way the sun hit my hair and my hair's colour. Sometime around grade 5 or 6 when my self esteem was particularly low I came to the realization that I really like the appearance of my hair. It was a revelation since I was so used to looking in the mirror and seeing an ugly chubby kid. Now I saw a chubby kid with gorgeous hair. The length of my hair really started to become part of my identity and a key part of my self esteem.

Once I had identified something I liked about myself it became easier to find other things I liked. I found that I liked the small raised mole in the corner of my left eye, and that I really liked the colour of my eyes. It was in a highschool art class learning to draw faces that I really studied my face I found angles of my face that I liked and showed off the good parts of my bone structure. Recently I have noticed that when I smile I have faint indentations in my cheeks that I think are kind of cute and am going to call my dimples. I have found that the more I concentrate on the things I like about myself, the more the things I don't like fade into the background. When I do find something that I don't like I have something that I do like to counter it with. I even finally got to the point where I was able to cut my hair and donate it. The first time I donated my hair it was quite a shock. I think I wore my hair in a bun for an entire month because I didn't want to believe I had actually cut my hair and just wanted my emotional security blanket to grow back- FAST! But since then I have begun to love my hair at shorter lengths too (see previous blog post ""Farewell Rapunzel"- June 2011) and have donated my hair every 1-2 years.

So to the girls who took the challenge and are feeling anxiety about their decision or are worried about it, and to the girls who just couldn't bring themselves to do it. I guess I understand. But I want to encourage you to try to take the next step on your self-esteem journey, cast aside your makeup security blanket and see what happens.

We have to retrain ourselves to seek out good things instead of bad, we have to ignore years of media bombardment telling us what we are "supposed" to look like. We have to ignore that inner voice in our head telling us we aren't good enough, pretty enough, talented enough, thin enough etc. We have to choose to acknowledge that we are FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE and God's works are wonderful- we are truly a MASTERPIECE.