Mission Briefing Notes for Operation Shoo-Fly

Target:The common housefly

Known Aliases:  
Musca domestica (M.D.), 
irritating insect, 
Diptera,and 
Argh @#!$%#@4% Die!!!!!


Location: Seemingly everywhere! Targets have definitely been spotted in your area. Last seen outside, inside, in windowsills, around dirty dishes, around clean dishes, on my head, on the table, and most annoyingly buzzing around my face while I was trying to sleep.

Background Information:
 The order Diptera is thought to have originated in the Palearctic region, particularly the Middle East. The crafty suborder Cyclorrhapha has utilized the warm wet summer to amass a strong army. Now as the cold rainy fall season approaches they begin their annual assault. These obnoxious pests invade our homes undetected and may at first seem benign. 

The first sign of invasion may be the occasional window buzzer who quickly tires and dies. Previously it was thought that these window buzzers were just trying to get outside again but anyone who has tried to shoo one of these flies away understands that these flies are not just seeking escape. Recent research has revealed that these flies are just initial scouts and those seemingly senseless and endless taps against the window are actually a complicated signal language to troops on the outside. 

Further signs of invasion involve troops sneaking in through open windows and doors. The best defense at this point is vigilance and window screening. However these are only temporary stop-gap measures, these sinister invaders have an uncanny ability to find any tiny gap, crack or opening into a house. 


Full on invasion finds you brushing and shooing flies wherever you are in your house. While eating, brushing your teeth, reading, watching t.v., cleaning and yes, even sleeping you are never safe from their constant attack. The flies won't leave you alone even after being brushed aside multiple times they return to land on you/bite you over and over. As the days grow shorter and the weather gets colder the remaining flies in your house will grow large and complacent. Instead of immediately fleeing a casual shoo they require more direct flicking to leave. These "dopey" flies are fat and lazy and prefer to crawl all over your face in the wee hours of the morning. 


It is important to point out that these persistent invaders present a larger threat than simple annoyance and interruption of sleep. Our sources (wikipedia) indicate that they are capable of carrying over 100 pathogens, such as typhoid, cholera, salmonella, bacillary dysentery, tuberculosis, anthrax, ophthalmia, and parasitic worms.

Mission: 
Your mission is to be on your guard for these invaders and eliminate them if necessary. Take all necessary precautions including ensuring doors are closed behind you and windows remain sealed. Learn to identify the signs of invasion and take action immediately at the first sign of intruders. 
 

Rules of Engagement:
Use of lethal force is approved and encouraged. All targets are to be eliminated on sight. A particularly vigilant agent might even go on the offense and seek out invaders that may be in hiding. 
The threat is real and it is advised that all agents arm themselves with flyswatters, magazines, newspapers and even their bare hands if necessary. 
The public may be aware of this mission however due to the risk of infection, and the suspected body count, we ask all agents to use discretion and dispose of any enemy carcasses immediately. Approved methods of disposal are: flushing, Kleenex/toilet paper, vacuuming, and magic. 


Good Luck!

Domesticity

I am not an overly domestic orientated person. Sure when I was a kid I went through a Little House on the Prairie phase but my housekeeping skills leave much to be desired. Lately however, perhaps due to sheer boredom I have found myself willingly performing several domestic activities.

One being knitting- I am making a hat, I have actually been working on a hat for my younger sister for quite some time but can't seem to get it right. It has been described as a broccoli, a unripe pumpkin, a fungus and a mushroom cloud from a nuclear explosion. Perhaps I should have followed a pattern instead of trying to make one up as a went along. That technique might work for scarves but hats are a bit more complicated.

The other domestic activity I have been up to is making applesauce. I remember once as a kid making applesauce from the wild apple trees that grow in the valley on my parents farm. The apples aren't perfect like the ones you may get in a store or from an orchard, they are bumped and bruised and covered in scars from insect attacks, but they are still good enough for applesauce.  I took a few pics of the process, must say the results were quite delicious!

Apples I found in the valley

Cooking the apples, leaving the peels on makes the applesauce pink

Pushing the cooked apples through the sieve to make apple sauce!

End result, YUMMY

I like to leave the peels on when I make applesauce, I think it improves the flavour, it also makes the applesauce pinkish. Since the apples in our valley aren't very sweet I had to add some sugar, and then I put the applesauce in some containers and stored them in the freezer. The process was kinda labour intensive, but also kinda fun.

The other day I was thinking about how I don't mind baking, and making pastry and such. I briefly considered switching careers to become a pastry chef. Briefly being the key phrase. Although I think I could do it and excel, it really isn't my passion. I think the idea came because I am craving a delicacy from my favourite bakery (Culbert's cream puffs!!!) that is closed right now due to damage from the tornadoes that recently hit Goderich Ontario. My brother is friends with the owner and apparently the historic ovens in their bakery may have been damaged and it will likely take longer to repair than originally anticipated. They are also concerned that the new ovens might affect the quality of their pastry. Tragedy of epic proportions if you ask me!!! My longing for this delicious treat, and its subsequent unavailability may have led me to want to be able to create such delicacies for myself but I don't think I would be fully satisfied with this as a career. So instead I will channel any urges to bake towards my friends and family- aren't they lucky.

However my domestic skills really haven't increased that much so I might need someone to take care of the resulting stack of dishes.....

Paddling and Pictures

I went for an evening/sunset paddle with my brother the other day.
It was gorgeous and the waves were marvelous providing us with alot of fun.
As the sun began to sink down into the lake I marveled at the beauty and wished to capture the moment with my camera.

I failed miserably. Although my photos are still nice they don't even come close to the dramatic beauty I encountered. I wanted to get a photo that fully captured the turquoise and mauve of the water along with the fuschia, pinks and purples of the setting sun, preferably with the flock of herring gulls flying across the view. In theory this would have been possible, and perhaps if I was a better photographer, or if I had a different camera.... however it is incredibly difficult to fiddle with settings on your camera while continuing to stay afloat in your kayak. As I was taking pictures every now and then a wave would decide to crest right into my kayak as if to remind me that I was indeed on a large lake with 0.5-1m swells. (I only had a 1/2 skirt on the kayak so yes, I got wet.) I tried to snap a few photos between paddling but eventually gave up, a pic couldn't adequately capture the moment anyways.

My bro paddling

They say a picture is worth a thousand words but even a thousand pictures can't adequately sum up a memory.

Experiment #1: Dancing in the Rain= Fun!!

So I realize my last blog post was perhaps a bit morose.
I really am not that depressed, just sometimes I need to get something off my chest.
I did that once in highschool and kind of scared one of my teachers. It was in Bible class and we were supposed to write a psalm- similar to the psalms found in the book of psalms. Whereas most of the class chose to write praise psalms and strung together a bunch of syrupy sweet Hallelujah's and thank-yous until they reached the required length; I chose to write a gut wrenching psalm of lament that was approx twice the required length. When I received my assignment back there were several comments from my teacher and a lengthy note telling me that if I ever needed to talk to someone he was there. I had no more angst than the average teenager (actually probably a little less) but I think my psalm made my teacher think I was perhaps depressed or suicidal. Ooops!

I don't want you to worry like my teacher did so I thought today I would share something more lighthearted- my most recent experiment. I decided to write it up like a pseudo lab report because.... I can. :) Enjoy!

Raincoat Test in Summer Rainstorm

Introduction: Raincoats are coats made of water repellent materials. They are frequently warn when a person has reason to believe it may rain or is already raining as a precaution against getting too wet. Alternatively they can be used by the wearer as an outer-shell layer to prevent heat loss from strong winds. Raincoats come in a variety of colours and styles. Recently this brilliant scientist purchased a fantastically bright lime green raincoat. The raincoat looks super stunning on the intelligent scientist in question however its efficacy in repelling water has yet to be determined. The following experiment seeks to correct this oversight.

Purpose: To determine the effectiveness of my new raincoat and thoroughly explore its waterproof capabilities during a summer rainstorm.

Materials: 

• raincoat (Northface, women's size large, lime green)
• torrential downpour
• barefeet
• grassy field

Procedure:

1. Look out window and observe precipitation
2. Don raincoat and exit the door
3. Run around like a crazy madwoman  jumping, dancing spinning and frolicking in the rain
4. Record results (options: have sister/bystander videotape/take a picture, use your senses, be creative)

Results: 

Fig. 1 Stunningly dry me (photo courtesy of Karina)

I found the raincoat to be most effective at keeping my upper body warm and dry. There was a small amount of moisture that came in through the cuffs, perhaps wicked in by the long sleeves of my cardigan. I found the hood remained in place nicely and had a good brim, however a strong wind might knock the hood off. The zipper was thoroughly waterproof and draftproof and I found the jacket kept me warm, but not too warm during this late summer shower. (See fig. 1)

Fig. 2 Jeans got very wet (photo courtesy of Karina)

My feet were able to enjoy the softness of the grass and the warmth of the ground. They also enjoyed splashing in puddles and wading through rivulets of water as they streamed down our washed out gravel driveway.

The raincoat failed to keep my bottom half dry and drenched skinny jeans are not comfortable. (See fig. 2)





Conclusion and Discussion: The raincoat was found to provide adequate protection from torrential rain for the upper half of the wearer's body. It did this while also being stylish and comfortable. One concern may be that when facing towards strong winds the hood may have a tendency to fall off. In this case it is recommended that the user cinches the drawstring around the hood. Another issue is that the raincoat does not provide adequate protection from torrential rain for the lower half of the body. If the user prefers to avoid a drenched lower half they should investigate further options. Water repellent rain pants similar to the raincoat do exist, however this brilliant scientist has yet to put them to the test and recommends further study in this area.

My Life in Boxes

Boxes.
I have seen enough of them lately having completed a move.
I have emptied a bunch of my boxes but the majority of my stuff remains packed up in my parent's basement.

The sheer number of Mc Donald's boxes in my parents basement may prompt the unsuspecting person to assume we plan on opening a franchise however that is not the case.  

The last few times I have moved I have gone to Mc Donald's and requested some of their french fry boxes. Generally they are clean and the perfect size for packing. I also find it amusing to ask the Mc Donald's employees for cardboard boxes. They tend to give you a blank stare and then look down at their till - you can almost see them thinking "what button do I press for an order of boxes?" before a light clicks on in their heads and they offer to go to the back and check if they have any.

On occasion I remember something that I need is located in one of these boxes in my parent's basement and a search ensues. Despite the boxes being neatly labelled and stacked it normally takes me looking through all of them before I finally find what I was looking for and a frustrated me declares "I hate having my life in boxes!!"

The truth is that lately I have been feeling like it is more than just my kitchen stuff and a bunch of clothes in boxes but that the boxes are a metaphor of how I presently feel. In many ways I feel that I am just like all that stuff languishing on a forgotten shelf in the basement waiting for the next opportunity but presently boxed up and kinda useless. It is tough to feel confident about yourself in resumés, coverletters, and interviews when you feel like you are wasting away. Slowly I forget about skills I do have and become less confident about them. For instance with my recent job interview, although I wasn't entirely suited to the job, I still struggled with answering several questions which should have come easy to me. My mind knew that I should be giving examples of how I used certain skills not just saying I had them, but I froze. The few examples I could come up with on the spot weren't that impressive. I was disappointed in my answers and knew I could have done better but I am kind of in a mental funk.

As a point of clarification I should mention that I really wasn't best suited to the position. Turns out they were looking for someone with ALOT more knowledge of ducks. I know mallards and Canada geese and that is about it the rest are all just "ducks" to me. And though I could learn quickly I think they really wanted someone who already understood that aspect of the job. I am only a little disappointed that I didn't get the job since I found out during the interview that it was only a 4 month contract and not a year long one like I had thought. On a more humorous note there were several interesting questions I was asked in my interview including:
"how do you feel about dead carcasses." - because they deal with alot during hunting season

and

"would you be intimidated if a big guy with bloody hands and a gun came into the office." - again this pertains to hunting season but I found the question kind of humorous.

Anyhow I continue with my life on a shelf, not fully able to make plans since I want to remain open if a job opportunity should arise; and also feeling frustrated and bored and irritated with nothing really to do. I feel like my skills and intelligence are rusting in a cupboard while time passes by all to quickly and I am not sure what I can do to fix the situation.