Margins and Sonnet XIX

Sonnet XIX: When I Consider How My Light is Spent

John Milton

When I consider how my light is spent

Ere half my days in this dark world and wide,

And that one talent which is death to hide,

Lodg'd with me useless, though my soul more bent

To serve therewith my Maker, and present

My true account, lest He returning chide,

"Doth God exact day-labour, light denied?" 

I fondly ask. But Patience, to prevent

That murmur, soon replies: "God doth not need

Either man's work or his own gifts: who best

Bear his mild yoke, they serve him best. His state 

Is kingly; thousands at his bidding speed

And post o'er land and ocean without rest: 

They also serve who only stand and wait."

I have always loved this poem by John Milton. Long considered a reflection on the author's own encroaching blindness, I like the poem for the way it reminds me of the proper scale in which to view the importance of my work. Particularly I have been reminded of it because of the current sermon series my pastor is on. (If you want to listen to the podcasts of the sermon you can find them  here when they get posted) My pastor has been talking about margins- basically encouraging us to make margins (extra space) in our life, whether it is in the area of time, finance, emotions etc. This week he was focusing on time. He mentioned how so often we brag about being busy. We fill our lives with so much stuff- be it work, chores, sports events or other commitments. We stress ourselves out, then we brag about it. When I was a student I did this alot. Casual conversations frequently seemed like we were competing for who could be the busiest person. 

         

"I am so tired! I only got two hours of sleep last night, I had to pull an all-nighter to finish my paper." 

"I know what you mean I have 2 assignments, 3 lab reports, one essay and 3 midterms all due this week!"

 "Yeah, I am swamped with homework too, I have to clean the kitchen and take out the garbage, plus I am taking a group of people downtown tonight to volunteer and need to find rides for all of us."

I think often we have an inflated sense of the value of our own work. As Christians we think the only way to please God is if we have a schedule so jam packed with things we barely have time to squeeze in eating and sleeping, much less spending time in prayer. Throughout my highschool and university life I often struggled with guilt thinking I wasn't balancing school, work, relationships and leisure properly. Often I would put the most emphasis on my homework because after all, that was why I was in school. 

This poem screams a reminder at all busy workaholics and students struggling under a load of worry, stress and guilt. "God does not need either man's work or his own gifts!!" God does not need our work, things will be fine if we need to set it down, or are unable to finish. Our very ability to work was given to us by God in the first place and He has many more able to step in if needed. This was a hard lesson for this over-achieving perfectionist to learn. My current job allows me to leave work at the office when I go home. At first this was such a foreign concept to me. I felt like I needed to have some homework of some kind- perhaps reading an article or doing a calculation. But soon I came to realize that showing up to work, and doing my best, was enough! I could then leave it all at work and go home and enjoy, I didn't have to beat myself up or stress myself out. Now I can joyfully tell friends I have time to hang-out, I can spend time on hobbies, and don't feel guilty when all I want to do is watch some tv. I have to admit, I don't always use my time the best, and still find myself occasionally wishing I had more time, or staying up too late; but I have margins and it is wonderful!