Known Aliases:
Musca domestica (M.D.),
irritating insect,
Diptera,and
Argh @#!$%#@4% Die!!!!!
Location: Seemingly everywhere! Targets have definitely been spotted in your area. Last seen outside, inside, in windowsills, around dirty dishes, around clean dishes, on my head, on the table, and most annoyingly buzzing around my face while I was trying to sleep.
Background Information:
The order Diptera is thought to have originated in the Palearctic region, particularly the Middle East. The crafty suborder Cyclorrhapha has utilized the warm wet summer to amass a strong army. Now as the cold rainy fall season approaches they begin their annual assault. These obnoxious pests invade our homes undetected and may at first seem benign.
The first sign of invasion may be the occasional window buzzer who quickly tires and dies. Previously it was thought that these window buzzers were just trying to get outside again but anyone who has tried to shoo one of these flies away understands that these flies are not just seeking escape. Recent research has revealed that these flies are just initial scouts and those seemingly senseless and endless taps against the window are actually a complicated signal language to troops on the outside.
Further signs of invasion involve troops sneaking in through open windows and doors. The best defense at this point is vigilance and window screening. However these are only temporary stop-gap measures, these sinister invaders have an uncanny ability to find any tiny gap, crack or opening into a house.
Full on invasion finds you brushing and shooing flies wherever you are in your house. While eating, brushing your teeth, reading, watching t.v., cleaning and yes, even sleeping you are never safe from their constant attack. The flies won't leave you alone even after being brushed aside multiple times they return to land on you/bite you over and over. As the days grow shorter and the weather gets colder the remaining flies in your house will grow large and complacent. Instead of immediately fleeing a casual shoo they require more direct flicking to leave. These "dopey" flies are fat and lazy and prefer to crawl all over your face in the wee hours of the morning.
It is important to point out that these persistent invaders present a larger threat than simple annoyance and interruption of sleep. Our sources (wikipedia) indicate that they are capable of carrying over 100 pathogens, such as typhoid, cholera, salmonella, bacillary dysentery, tuberculosis, anthrax, ophthalmia, and parasitic worms.
Mission:
Your mission is to be on your guard for these invaders and eliminate them if necessary. Take all necessary precautions including ensuring doors are closed behind you and windows remain sealed. Learn to identify the signs of invasion and take action immediately at the first sign of intruders.
Rules of Engagement:
Use of lethal force is approved and encouraged. All targets are to be eliminated on sight. A particularly vigilant agent might even go on the offense and seek out invaders that may be in hiding.
The threat is real and it is advised that all agents arm themselves with flyswatters, magazines, newspapers and even their bare hands if necessary.
The public may be aware of this mission however due to the risk of infection, and the suspected body count, we ask all agents to use discretion and dispose of any enemy carcasses immediately. Approved methods of disposal are: flushing, Kleenex/toilet paper, vacuuming, and magic.
Good Luck!
